“You shouldn’t watch that crap,” he said as they left, “It’s all ancient history. It doesn’t matter anymore,”

“Of course it matters,” she said, “Didn’t you listen to John? If we ignore it then we’ll never learn from the mistakes!”

“Yeah, but who’s to say it ever even happened? That could just be some kind of weird entertainment like they used to have back in those times.”

It was an argument he didn’t want to get into – and one he knew he couldn’t lose. Conceding defeat would be like admitting…

“Do you always stay inside at the weekend?” asked Phantasia, changing the subject almost as if she’d sensed his anxiety. She’s just good at reading body language, he told himself.

“Don’t see the point in what’s outside,” he replied. The only things out there were people. All people wanted to do was embrace what was similar to them and deride what was different – and Dante was different to everybody.

“You have to leave your room sometimes,” she said, “You must want to!”

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” he said, “Me and the world don’t see eye-to-eye, and that’s that.”

“You’re just being silly again,”

She had a habit of saying that, of chastising him whenever he tried to explain his situation – and the worst thing about it was the feeling she was right. The more time he spent with her, the more he felt her infectious spirit eroding away at the barriers he kept up and the more he began to open up – and that was the worst thing that could happen. Opening up to people and forming bonds only led to pain, and approaching the brilliant light of happiness only created a deep shadow. Better to stay away from everything and not risk being hurt – or hurting others.

Yet she was the key, the one person who could dispel the anxiety and doubt that clouded Dante’s world. If he opened up to her and she helped cast away…

Again he felt the anxiety and again his thoughts began to quarrel. Not much longer and things would be settled…

“So what happened to your parents?”

Once again the question came out of nowhere. Dante would have been annoyed – even angry – had anyone else asked, as had happened in the past, but there was something about Phantasia’s naïve, matter-of-fact attitude that forced him to forgive her.

“I don’t have a father. My mother was taken away.”

Phantasia stopped and tried to take his hands in hers, but he shoved them deep in his coat pockets and avoided her diamond eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, “Was it Godhand?”

If only it were that simple! If only I could tell you the truth!

“No, before then,” he found himself saying against his better judgement, “Years ago. For her ‘safety’, they said. They said she was…” – he couldn’t believe he was telling her this! – “They said she was insane. Said she could…” He paused, his body trembling. Admitting this was one of the biggest steps to salvation. “That she could see things…”

He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t admit to the truth! All he had to do was lie and cover up the truth, and then he could go back into the comforting shadows…

“Like I do.”

There. He’d said it. There was no going back now.

Chapter 35
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