Comments on: Prologue

By: Dary

Dary — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 23:14:37 +0000

I think the ambiguity is something I might address when I revise this bit (although Sabeen would put himself down like that – his heart really isn’t in teaching XD)

Hope you enjoy the story

By: Cafe O'Lay

Cafe O'Lay — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 06:46:13 +0000

Re: Self-deprecating vs. self-depriciating. According to Oxford On-line dictionary, self-depricating means “modest or critical of oneself, especially humourously so.” Self-depreciating means “disparaging or belittling oneself.” Although the words can be used interchangeably, in my opinion, self-depreciation has a negative connotation. Which leaves me to question, why would a teacher disparage himself to his students. Does he have low self esteem?

Anyway, in my quest to find something to read (I kept examining my bookshelf, hoping something new would jump out at me) my son directed me to your web page and story. I like the fact that you accept comments from your readers and sometimes reply to them. I’m going to read on to find out what happens next.

By: Dary

Dary — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:52:19 +0000

It’ll be interesting to see how you view things in retrospect. I do strive for foreshadowing when possible. It’s one of the advantages of knowing where things go in advance!

Thanks for any past and future typos. Those things sneak by no matter how many times I proof read something!

Re: deprecation/depreciation. Though the common term is self-deprecation, self-depreciation is more accurate in this case. Deprecate = criticize, Depreciate = belittle. Pedantic, I know… (and technically the example Sabeen uses in this section is more sarcasm than either XD)

By: jmkool

jmkool — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 07:45:37 +0000

Ah, right. Forgot to enter my name there.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 07:44:02 +0000

Love the story, by the way. So much I have to re-read it! Please enjoy the first of what may turn out to be many typo reports.

Paragraph seven: The term is ‘self-deprecating humor’, not ‘self-depreciating’.

By: Dary

Dary — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:09:24 +0000

Thanks!

By: RipVan

RipVan — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:16:20 +0000

Nicely written. I’m hungry for more of this story. Definitly gonna check out the rest ^^

By: Dary

Dary — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:55:42 +0000

Thanks I admit the first few chapters are probably guilty of that (they were probably the hardest and most time-consuming to write!) but I think it works out better later on (I’ll go back over everything eventually!) On the other hand it might just be my style… I’m not sure! The balance between showing/telling is always tricky and “show, don’t tell” is really bad advice – you can’t show everything in the same way you can’t have a blaring soundtrack throughout an entire film (bad metaphor, I know). Show the dramatic, tell the mundane – that’s the rule I go by >_>

By: Paradox Turtle

Paradox Turtle — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:06:04 +0000

I enjoyed this, very unique. But I do have a few suggestions to improve your writing. It seems that you like to tell more then show, and perhaps opening with dialogue is a hard way to get attention. Good job though!

By: Dary

Dary — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:22:56 +0000

I’d be surprised too. In this case they almost didn’t survive past 200 years!